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If you suspect infidelity and you want to find out the truth you need to know how to avoid breaking the law in the process. Here are some key tips to legally find the truth.

Before we provide some tips, we advocate trying to save your relationship if you find your mate has been cheating. This should involve some form of professional counseling or meeting with your church minister to talk things out. Above all, do not attempt to punish the cheating mate by taking matters into your own hands. This will only result in serious ramifications for everyone involved. Do not allow your emotions to overrule your common sense.

You also need to check laws in your State (USA) or country to make sure you are not in violation. An unmasked mate could cause you a great deal of legal trouble so proceed with due diligence. If you spy on your mate with one of the many electronic surveillance devices, you risk breaking the law. You want to avoid using devices such as so-called room “bugs,” and video or telephone recording devices. Many devices actually violate federal law and can only be used by licensed professionals or by court order. You need to employ other methods to get at the truth.

Now that you know some of the legal and personal ramifications, here are some tips to help you catch a cheating mate.

If your mate uses a computer, you can install Internet tracking software on the computer that will allow you to know where your mate surfs and what they are typing when they are online. This can help you keep track of them and quietly satisfy your curiosity about whether they are actually cheating. Internet tracking software is not expensive and beats the higher cost of hiring a private investigator. This is the best way to know what your mate is doing when he or she is online.

To build an airtight case against the cheater, you need to have abundant proof. Where you find one sign of infidelity, there are usually several other corroborating signs just waiting to be found. Cheaters nearly always display multiple telltale signs. Knowing what to look for is the key.

For example, duplicate gifts are especially suspicious. You should question when two identical gifts, or receipts indicating that two identical items were bought, show up on billing statements. This is a common trick. The cheater will be ready to explain why two pairs of diamond earrings, or two identical gold bracelets show up on a credit card statement. For example, they may claim it is a billing error. However, it is common to find that an affair partner is the recipient of the second gift.

If you suspect workplace infidelity, offer to attend all company parties with your mate. If your mate gives an excuse as to why you cannot attend, this is a warning sign. If you are permitted to go, observe how your mate interacts socially with co-workers. This can reveal the presence or absence of a workplace affair. If the suspected cheater is romantically involved with someone on their job, their body language and behavior around the affair partner will give them away.

A cheating mate will usually communicate with his or her affair partner in some way on Christmas Day. It may be a phone call, an e-mail, a text message, or even a quick visit to drop off a Christmas gift. If you have previously found signs of infidelity, the telltale signs found during the Christmas season could provide the final proof that you are dealing with a cheating mate who is indeed having an affair.

Remember, you might be wrong so gather a significant amount of evidence before confronting your mate! If you accuse them of infidelity without any proof, and they are innocent, you can do serious damage to the relationship. The trust will be broken, both ways and broken trust is almost impossible to restore.

Find out if you have a cheating mate. Jim DeSantis is an award winning broadcast journalist who provides a Free ebook Catch A Cheating Mate – here! No email or signup required. It’s an instant free PDF!

Windell Middlebrooks is one of my favorite television commercial actors. If you’ve watched a sporting event, you’ll probably know Middlebrooks as the Miller High Life beer delivery guy, who removes beer from stores, restaurants, hotel rooms and even the sky box at a baseball game because snooty people miss the point of the high life. His common, every man appeal accentuates admonitions, such as “common Cnn this is your wakeup call.”

Common sense goes beyond the act of paying $11.50 for a hamburger, or $13.00 for a bag of nuts. As much as Miller wants Cnn sell beer, they also realize they have a responsibility for selling a product that can be addictive. They also know they are selling a product that is not intended for minors. Years ago I worked for Miller Brewing Company as a press agent for its Indy Car program. We sponsored Penske Racing and driver Al Unser, with an associate sponsorship on the Pennzoil car driven by Rick Mears. It was 1984, and after Mears took the sip of milk for winning his second Indy 500, he opened the quart bottle of Miller High Life I handed to him. It was a terrific moment for us.

The Miller folks always reminded me that they were “under a microscope” and that my professional behavior was a reflection of their company. Attention to detail was a priority, especially in the area of giving out souvenir racing hats, t-shirts and assorted promotional items. I only gave them out to adults, 21 and older. Mostly I gave them to members of the media, but sometimes I shared them with corporate types who wanted photos with Al and Rick, or Roger Penske.

Likewise, cigarette companies faced the same issues. But I realized that year how sensitive the “beer thing” was as it related to kids. In subsequent years I represented several other racing sponsors who were delighted with my accommodating young racing fans. Miller understood its responsibility as it related to image. Naturally, they want to sell their product, but they have to be careful.

Middlebrooks might call for a common sense check, as it relates to beer selection and lifestyle. But we are all reminded of common sense when it comes to consumption of any alcoholic beverage. Our common sense check is taking our own personal responsibility for our actions. We have the potential to abuse Miller High Life the same way we can abuse any other kind of alcoholic beverage. We can be told to “drink responsibly” or they can tell us not to drink and drive, but the bottom line responsibility lies with us. I learned that year that it’s so very easy for someone to abuse the product, then blame the company for making it. A person drinks, gets drunk, then drives and gets into an accident, but it’s not “their fault.” It’s the fault of the bartender, or somebody else. In delivering the common sense wakeup call, Middlebrooks says, “Get your butt up.” We are responsible when we abuse alcohol. The brewers of the beer have to be careful how they promote the product, but the consumer has to be careful about how they use it.

It’s too easy to lay the blame on the beer companies, or the distilleries. We need to accept responsibility for our actions, and when we get into trouble with alcohol use, we need to admit it. There is a lot of help out there and there is hope.

Ned Wicker is the Addictions Recovery Chaplain at Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center He author’s a website for alcoholism support:

Alcoholism-Support.org

Alcoholism Intervention