For many years skincare has been the sole preserve of the ladies. After all, men don’t need it, do they?

As I came downstairs to breakfast the other day, my wife stroked my cheek lovingly.

‘Your skin is so soft!’ she said almost wonderingly. ‘I really don’t know how you manage it!’

Now my wife is a dear, dear woman but she thinks that a soft skin is only achievable by using amounts of night cream, day cream, anti-wrinkle cream (not that she has any anyway!), protein cream and just about any other cream that the cosmetic companies can dream up.

She, like many other ladies, is convinced that many men have made a pact with the Prince of Darkness in return for facial skin that is not only soft but free from spots and blemishes. I will probably be marked for use as a bridge support filler or receive a nice pair of concrete overshoes from the League For Excessively Scratchy Chins for revealing the truth but I can contain myself no longer: men really do use skincare products!

There. I’ve said it. What a relief to finally ‘come out’ (about men’s skin, that is). The thing that is different about men’s facial skincare and that used by women is that men don’t pay anywhere near as much for theirs – and that’s because men do something to their faces every day that women never, ever do. They shave.

Now I know women shave their legs and sometimes other unmentionable bits. All we men know that. But they don’t do it every day. So why does that make a difference?

Oh, well, the cat’s out of the bag now so I may as well tell you everything. The act of shaving, when done daily, is an excellent exfoliant. A razor doesn’t only take away the stubble from the chins and cheeks of the average male, it also removes quite a few of the old dermal cells. This tends to leave our homely pans soft and smooth – especially if you use (as an increasing number of today’s guys do) a straight razor.

That’s the reason why – when we’re freshly planed off – the facial skin of your everyday male is as soft as a woman’s that has had enough cream on it to make a raspberry pavlova. The only problem is that it doesn’t last. Hence the tendency in recent years for an increasing number of guys to reach for the bottle.

The skincare-for-men bottle, that is. I’m not convinced that I am the first to have uttered this truth as to the original method of skincare for men – shaving – and doubtless the cosmetic companies’ intelligence task force has been keeping their ear well and truly stuck to the floor over the years. So what do we have now? You got it in one – cream for men.

Oh, they don’t call it ‘cream’. Far too girly. It’s called ‘rejuvenating facial cream’ or something equally crafty – it simply wouldn’t do to call it ‘day cream’ or ‘cool night cream’, would it? It’s done like this. After we men have carefully eradicated all traces of stubble, in proper manly fashion with some horribly sharp steel, we are smiled at from some webpage by an incredible hunk with biceps like footballs and a six-pack made of very large ballbearings who suggests that it would be a good idea to – moisturise our skin!

And do you know what the worst thing about it is? Yep. It works. Guess what I got for Christmas last year? Worse still, guess what I bought recently? Resistance, as has been said, was futile.

The male skincare culture steamroller is gathering momentum. We poor males, hapless victims of our own primitive but effective skincare method, have been sucked into mainstream skincare by forces we can hardly comprehend. What happened to the good old days when the only perfume men wore was good, honest sweat and we all changed our socks once a week even if they were reasonably pong-free? When boxer shorts were things boxers wore and after-shave lotion was considered only fit for wearing on a hot date?

Don’t know about you but I sure thank my lucky stars they’re firmly in the past! Now where’s my anti-aging wrinkle-destroying masculine protein emollient?

Steve Dempster is a recent and happy convert to modern men’s skincare and doesn’t mind anymore who knows it. Learn more here about shaving and skincare products for men.

Is your long distance relationship thriving…or just surviving? Are you madly in love with someone but cannot find a way to live in the same city? How do you support your relationship when you have very real physical distance between you?

I have seen couples fall apart because they could not sustain their relationship due to the distance between them, and I have seen others who find creative, romantic ways to keep the love alive. I know people who had a long distance relationship for years, complained about it, and finally got together in the same city, only to break up months after they lived near each other. Some people have long distance relationships and like it that way. And some couples don’t like the distance at all, but manage to still stay close.

How do they do that? Here are some of the challenges that exist when you have an out-of-town romance, and what you can do about it:

* Commitment

If you have just met, take care to spend enough time to truly know each other before you get in a committed relationship. There is no substitute for face-to-face communication. You need to meet each other’s friends, family, and co-workers. You need to experience good times and stressful ones together. Once you do, decide what your expectations are for your relationship. Be open and honest. How much commitment are you willing to give each other? This clarity is important to minimize misunderstanding.

* Trust

Once you can determine if you are both on the same level of investment in the relationship, trust and honesty become paramount to the success of your future. These elements are at the heart of all lasting unions, but distance challenges the security of your connection.

* Communication

Be dedicated to the way you stay in touch. Phone calls, emails, and chatting on-line are important. Set up a regular time to visit with each other, building a routine. But add some surprises such as, homemade videos, collected poems put in a special book, or self-decorated greeting cards. Stretch your imagination further with a lock of your hair in a unique box; an absorbent piece of cloth with your perfume or after-shave scent; your favorite flower, pressed and framed. If the other person does not call often, make time for you, or send appropriate communications, do not hang on. Let go and get on with your life.

* Plan your reunions.

Decide where to meet, how often, and how you want to spend the time when you see each other. Be very clear about what your expectations are for the time you have together. This is where many relationships break down. His idea of the perfect weekend could be sitting in front of the TV with her at his side, watching football. Hers could be visiting friends, attending a romantic movie, and later sharing secrets of the heart. He may expect her to cook his dinner; she may expect him to take her out. We all have old scripts that play out in new relationships, and unless we communicate what we want from each other, this is a recipe for misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Finally, decide how long you want to live apart, and set a date for the move. It is true that when one of you moves to the other one’s town, you are taking a risk. However, most people say that even when it doesn’t work out, at least they gave love a chance. They didn’t want to spend their life longing to be somewhere else, continuing–a long distance relationship.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

Marriage becomes a fragile bond at times. In this relationship of man and woman, woman is a more sensitive agent. She often faces extremely difficult situations when her husband leaves the house. Men may leave the house for many reasons. Sometimes he gets angry over some issue, sometimes as a consequence of some fight; husband wants to put an end to the marriage. In most occasions, the reason is misunderstanding. In any case, you should try to uphold your relationship and get your husband back.

Mostly, when your husband leaves the house, both the parties are very emotional. For this reason, you may not like to hold your husband back and allow him to leave in anger. You may also worsen the situation by telling him that you are happy without him and things of the sort.

You may not even like to contact your man if he leaves considering it as an ego issue or feel that by doing so, you may be degrading your dignity. However, to save your relationship, if you have to do things like this it is not about ego at this point. This is more about being mature and handling the situation in an intelligent way. Even if the fault is at his end, contacting him or even apologizing monetarily can help him to calm down. Once he is emotionally stable, you can talk and discuss the issue like grown ups.

You should show genuine concern about him. Yet at the same time, you should not act as a weakling. Men regard those women who are strong and confident. You need to remain strong and at he same time, let him know that you care for him as he is your husband. He is your strength and you are his.

Marriage is about mutual love and care. If any of the partners leave the house, the other person should try and make the situation normal. This relationship requires patience as well as understanding.

Most people lose their spouse in emotional fits. Man is more aggressive by nature and can easily lose temper. In this situation, woman should act more calmly and try to get him back. It will not be her defeat but her victory.

Put an End to the Stress and Anxiety of Not Knowing What to Do to Save Your Troubled Marriage! And Discover Proven Methods to Getting Your Marriage Back On Track. Click here for the magic Strategy.

I saw a look of resignation on my friend’s face as she said, “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a step mother.” There was a combination of sadness, frustration and resignation. She’d been married to her new husband for almost two years. The struggles started before their marriage, as it usually does when two people, with children from previous marriages decide to “blend families.” After all this time she saw no end in sight.

My friend has two daughters from her previous marriage. Her new husband has two daughters from his previous marriage…and a former wife who appeared to be determined to make things difficult. My friend has a former husband who lives out of state with his new family.

The four girls were all close in age and could possibly have been friends if they met at school, weren’t step siblings and didn’t have parents pulling at them.

Often, we the parents just need to get out of the way. Blended family issues can be resolved sooner and without causing added pain to the children if we allow space and time to work things out. I know from my own first hand meddling. I’ve detailed in my book, “You Used To Live In My House.”

My kids…back when they were kids, when my wife Louisa and I were newlyweds, didn’t need a new mom. Their mother was alive and well. Louisa didn’t want to be their mom. She knew her role and would have been happy to be a step mother. We all moved from Virginia to Colorado together so I thought she should be their new mom. All this while my kids really hadn’t given up hope that their mother and I might some how reconcile. We’d been apart for four years by then and each of the adults knew that wasn’t going to happen.

While I was living in Colorado my kids return to Virginia and to their mother,

I didn’t know what she was saying to them, about me. I didn’t learn that until three years later when they moved to Colorado. By then new roles weren’t so new and were accepted pretty easily. All the while, I knew that Louisa never criticized her sons’ father, even though he’d been virtually absent from their lives for several years.

Eleven years later Louisa received a Happy Step Mom Day card from Kelly on Mother’s Day. All of the ‘kids’ openly express their love for each of us these days, and have for some time. They all get along well with each other.

I can speak for myself and I believe it applies to many step parents, we are so determined that everyone will get a long and like each other immediately, that we make things more difficult than they need to be. Affection and assimilation cannot be forced upon our children. They have to find their own way and all we have to do is get out of the way.

Kids are resilient. I’ll over simplify it with an example of how they overcome the tales of an Easter Bunny and Santa Claus at very impressionable ages. If and when they see the new step parents showing affection and compromise it will be easier for them to move forward with their own feelings.

A friend of ours, Donna Lopez, provided the following testimonial to my book:

“After reading the book, “You Used To Live In My House” I began to think differently of blended families. I realized that it took much more love and faith and work that I ever imagined to sustain one household. I began to appreciate all those families around me that I once took for granted. This book allows us to see this family with such truth and pain and laughter! A recommended read!”

Obviously that’s flattering and I appreciate Donna’s comments. Her comments remain timely.

Don’t look now, but there are increasing numbers of blended families on the horizon. As more couples split and often after a child or two, the newly freed up mom or dad hooks up with that new ‘soul mate.’ Bingo, there’s a new family and the new spouse may even have children of their own from a previous relationship.

How do I know? I’m reminded of a question I was asked when I spoke to a Rotary Club not long ago. “What prepared you to write your book?” My answer: “I lived it.”

Back in the day, circa 1981, I met Louisa H. Harrison. She’s been Louisa H. Coons since June 18, 1983 and on that day, my three children and her two children, blended into this new family. Oh, by the way…on the fateful day, they were ages 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12.

We’re all the better for it now. And if you read through what I call ‘Tales of the dark side’ (AKA “You Used To Live In My House”) you’ll eventually get to the happiness we enjoy today. Being in a blended family doesn’t have to make any or all of the participants crazy. I’ve only scratched the surface of how I, and sometimes we, went about it the wrong way. If you get to know us we should give you hope.

R. Perry Coons
http://www.youusedtoliveinmyhouse.com

R. Perry Coons has thrown the door wide open with his narrative of the first 25 years of his relationship journey with his wife and family. He says, “If you get to know us, we should give you hope.”

His background is varied, as witnessed by the many personal and professional experiences he shares with his readers…husband, father, grandfather, runner and former radio dj, award winning shopping center marketing director, special events coordinator, entertainment manager, Realtor and self-described coffee achiever. He holds a copyright on a manuscript titled “Surrel Estate” and is working on a novel about a radio dj in the late 60′s. His working title is “Record Player.” Perry lives in Denver, Colorado with his wife Lousia and their Australian Cattle Dog.

Break ups are an unfortunate part of life for every woman. We’ve all had our hearts broken at times by a man we were head over heels crazy for. In most instances we take the break up in stride. We may mourn the loss for a few days, share our sorrows with our girlfriends and then we move on. It’s not always that easy though. Some relationships are too important to get over that quickly. In fact, you may feel that your ex boyfriend was actually your one true love. If you do happen to feel that way, you’ve likely thought about winning him back. The easy answer to the question of how do you get a guy back is be emotionally strong.

Men expect women to fall apart in stressful emotional situations. After a split they assume that the woman, if she’s still in love, will beg for another chance. You may have actually been tempted to do just that. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Your emotions take control and before you know it you’re calling your ex and crying on the phone to him. This is not going to help you in anyway achieve the goal of reuniting with your ex. Behavior like this can actually cause him to run as far away from you as he possibly can. You really want to put on a brave face. This will really help you get a guy back because he’ll see that you’re mature and can keep yourself together.

Another thing that will really help you get a guy back is to agree with him when he says you need time apart. Don’t help him pack his suitcase and don’t hold the door open for him, but agree that a split may be good for you both. Again, men jump to the conclusion that if a woman loves them, she’ll fight tooth and nail to keep them. Men want to feel that, it gives them some reassurance about how you feel. If you do the exact opposite and welcome the break he’s going to go into a tailspin. Many relationships have actually been fixed just because the man who first mentioned the idea of a break up got worried when his girlfriend agreed to it. Act as if you’re okay with the break up and he’ll start to think about what he can be doing to win you back.

It’s obviously important that you think through each and every move when you are trying to get your boyfriend back. Most women have no idea that everything they say and do after a break up potentially impacts the chance of a reunion. To find out more about what steps are necessary to get your boyfriend back, including what not to do, visit this helpful site!

There are proven and effective ways to win back your ex boyfriend. Don’t let your emotions guide you through this difficult time. Find out what you need to be doing to ensure you get him back forever.

Here are a few weight loss toning exercises for women to help you achieve that hour-glass feminine figure. Summer is arriving, so take these “quick fix” exercises and use them to get toned as fast as possible.

Weight Loss Toning Exercises For Women

1. Walking on an incline

Listen, walking is a boring tip… yes I know that, however walking on an incline is totally different from just your regular walking on a flat surface. Walking on a flat surface is fine for slow, long term weight loss, but if you want some quick weight loss, try walking on a 10-15 degree incline (treadmill or hill) for 15-20 minutes a day.

This creates a big oxygen deficit which forces your body to suck up body fat… while it tones your legs in ways you never imagined.

2. Hindu Squats

Hindu squats also create a big oxygen deficit which causes your body to eat up body fat. But it also tones your legs like crazy. What you do is squat up and down as fast as you can while you touch your finger tips to the ground during each repetition (this is to make sure you’re going down far enough).

You need to do 100 repetitions in less than 5 minutes. Do this as many days each week as you can.

3. Jumping rope

It’s pretty well known that boxers are in incredible shape. It’s no coincidence that they jump a lot of rope. Now, you don’t need to get fancy, just spend 5 minutes a day jumping rope (it doesn’t have to be all 5 minutes at once either).

What I did with these 3 exercises is try to create a simple program that you can do mostly in your home without having to waste time going to the gym everyday. So for women, try these weight loss toning exercises for a few weeks and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective they are and how quick the results come.

If you’re sick and tired of getting the same old boring and tired weight loss advice… you know, like “Eat more fruits and vegetables, drink 8 glasses of water, exercise more, and blah blah blah”… then you found the right person. I’ll make weight loss easy and enjoyable for you… AND NOT BORING!

First, click http://www.weightlossguide4women.com to get your free 19-page report “How Spinning Around in a Circle Like a 4-year old Child will Skyrocket your Weight Loss Success”. This will give you a jumpstart on how to lose 10 pounds fast.

Second… after you get the free report, you’ll be sent inside my website for even more unique and little known weight loss tips, tricks, techniques, and tactics. These unconventional tricks are a “shortcut” way on how to lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks… no mention of eating carrots or celery. I promise.

Third, with my advice, you won’t starve, have to go to the gym ever, or basically do anything that is a hassle for your busy life. Listen, I understand you want to do some easy weight loss toning exercises geared towards women… without changing much in your diet or exercise plans… I get it. I have this completely covered. I’ve worked with over 3,700 clients. I know a 1 size fits all plan doesn’t work. So I’ve come up with lots of “tricks” to personalize weight loss specifically for you and your lifestyle.

Fourth… there is no fourth. Just enjoy the free report and my website. If you don’t lose 10 pounds with just my free information… I’d be amazingly surprised!

http://www.weightlossguide4women.com

Love comes in the most unexpected time. When I was young, I would always tell my family that I will get married at the age of 25. By that time, I am through with my studies and probably working already. I promise to help my family after I finish school. I dream a lot of dreams actually. I planned my life. I intend to finish my studies at a short time. I go to school even during summer to shorten the time of my studies. I fared well in school. I was always a pride and joy of my parents. But I failed miserably. I got pregnant when I was 19 and graduating already in college. You could just imagine the dismay in my parents’ face. I failed them terribly. All my dreams were shattered just because I hurried in life.

Is there a right time to get married? Certainly YES. Actually, it is not apt to say that one has to be 25 and above to get married. It is a must that one has to be prepared financially and psychologically before plunging into marriage. Marriage can wait. Keep your values as much as possible. It is so easy to get married but very tough to stay married. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is a point of no return especially here in the Philippines. Divorce is not legal here and annulment costs so much. If you have no means and you want to get out of marriage, you can’t easily get out. You’re doomed. So for those who are in a hurry, you better think twice. Life is so complicated as it is. Nothing compares to a life with no responsibilities and carefree. Stay happy. As the song goes…wise men say only fools rush in…Don’t be one.

Breast cancer is nowadays a commonly found disease in women. It consists of abnormal growth of cells in the breast. When these cells keep growing continuously without any interruption then it starts affecting other healthy cells. The growth of this disease can start at the small lobe, tissues and vessels in breast. Although there is no defining symptoms but some factors help you in getting the required help, at the right time.

It is not easy to detect breast cancer. The symptoms sometimes do not occur at early stage. Even feeling pain is not always a sign for this type of cancer. But if you are familiar with common signs then you can manage this condition and even cure it completely. Every woman knows about the size and shape of breast. There should be no swelling and distortion in breasts. To check, you should gently press your fingers flatly on the surface of breast. If you find any sort of lump, mass or thickening then you should consult to your physician. Symptoms also include dimpling or ridges and rash or scales on the skin. If you notice that one breast is growing more in comparison to other breast then you need to consult doctor.

Apart from this breast cancer symptoms include inverted nipples in changed shape and also pushed inward. Discharge of colorless, yellow, milky or even blood discharge from nipples is one of the most noticeable symptoms. It is not essential that only women fall prey to breast cancer but men can also have this condition. Although it is in rare cases. The symptoms for this disease are same for both men and women. However, apart from other symptoms, men should look for signs such as pain in nipple, enlarged lymph nodes and areola sores.

However, women should visit doctor frequently for breast check up. It will assist you in diagnosing breast cancer early. If you find yourself unable to analyze yourself then you can undergo a clinical breast cancer exam.

Jim is a normal person who has realized his passion by writing about being healthy. He has struggled with health problems. He is fit now, and wants to send the message accords to everyone. For more information and advice on Health and breast cancer. Please visit us at http://www.whatyouneedtoknow.co.in

Individual style should be applauded. It takes guts, personality and confidence to pull off certain looks, and anyone who expresses their individual style with gusto should be proud. But there are a few fashion no-no’s that should really be avoided at all costs, because, let’s face it, they just don’t look good on anyone. Be a fashion do by following these fashion don’ts.

1. Socks And Sandals
Just don’t do it, it really doesn’t look good. I understand wanting to be comfortable, but if socks are truly necessary, put on a pair of cute tennies or slip ons. Better yet, find a pair of sandals that are comfortable enough to wear without socks. Oh, and don’t even think about wearing black socks up to your knees with shorts and any type of shoes. I won’t even get into my opinion on Crocs at this point, but let’s just say that unless you’re gardening, I wouldn’t recommend those either.

2. Your Underwear Peeking Out Of Your Pants
Ok, So Brittany Spears did it, and so did various other teen stars and it was cool for a while. Let me give you a hint: unless you actually look like Brittany Spears, you probably can’t pull it off. Even if you can pull it off, there’s a difference between letting your thong hang out on stage in front of thousands of fans an paparazzi, and showing it off at the grocery store or in line at the movie theater. Trust me, no one wants to see it, and people are probably making fun of you as soon as you’re out of earshot.

3. Wearing The Baggiest Clothes You Can Find
No matter what size you are, you are going to look better in clothes that actually fit you, rather than big, baggy clothes meant to hide your figure. Beauty is not size dependent, and most people will tell you that a person of any size who looks fashionable and put together always looks better than someone in baggy clothes that looks like they are wearing a tent. Find a style that works for your body type, and that you like and be proud of it. The more confident you are in your own body and style, the more people will be drawn to you and appreciate you for who you are and your individual style. Sit on a bench at the mall for a couple of hours watching people go by. Who looks great, and who looks like a slob? Find a role model and try to emulate them. If all else fails, watch a few dozen episodes of What Not To Wear, and see resistant fashion disasters morph into beautiful, put together people.

4. Over-accessorizing, or Not Accessorizing at All
Even the best outfit can benefit from a few well placed accessories. A great handbag, and nice necklace and some simple earrings can easily take an outfit from ok to fabulous. They don’t have to match, they just have to be in the same or a complimentary color family. But a word of warning: don’t overdo it. Great big dangly earrings, 4 necklaces, 3 inches of arm bangles and a huge, sparkly handbag is going just a bit overboard. Keep it simple, but interesting, and make sure that your accessories compliment your outfit, not overpower it.

5. Being Self Conscious About Your Style
Above all, find a style that you love (and of course that follows all of the above mentioned rules). Wear colors that make you happy, and styles that make you feel beautiful. The absolute worst thing you can do is wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable, or that you don’t love. Clothes and accessories are meant to be fun, that’s why there are so many choices. Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale, all of those meaningless purchases could be traded for one fantastic piece that you adore, and will last a long time. Buy pieces that are classic, as well as a few trendier items that can be mixed and matched. You will never regret spending a little more on a great pair of black pants that will last for years, and you can update them every season with a new top or some jewelry.

Find your inner diva, and express your style for the world to admire by following these simple rules. A Little fashion knowledge can go a long way in allowing you to express yourself to the world in a positive, confident way.

Visit http://www.missy-j.com for fashionable, affordable accessories, and http:http://www.missyjblog.blogspot.com for more fashion advice and ideas.

If you’ve found this article, I have to assume that you either strongly suspect or know for sure that your spouse has had an affair. I know from experience that in all likelihood you’re experiencing a slew of overwhelming feelings (likely none of them positive) like betrayal, shock, severe hurt, and intense pain. You may also blame yourself, wonder how you could have been so naive, or blame your spouse entirely for his or her actions.  Every single one of these questions and responses are perfectly natural and normal.  You’ve been dealt a harsh blow and there is no right or wrong answer. The days following learning about an affair can go by in a daze or the blink of an eye and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or lost.  This article will provide tips and prompts to help you deal with these feelings and sort out / deal with the affair.

Don’t Blame Yourself, Beat Yourself Up Or Second Guess Yourself: Until an affair actually happened to me, I used to wonder how in the world a wife could blame herself for a husband’s affair.  I just did not get that at all.  But then, in the days after my husband’s affair (once my shock and rage at him wore off) I started to wonder where in the world I went wrong. How could I be so stupid? Was I not exciting enough? Pretty enough? Sexy enough? A good enough wife and mother? Did I not meet his needs or give him what he needed to be happy? Did he have to go elsewhere for excitement or satisfaction?

I have a friend who kind of went through this same sort of thing but in the opposite realm. When she found out about her husband’s affair – she completed overcompensated. She wanted this thing fixed immediately so she sucked it up and put all of the blame squarely on her shoulders and made drastic changes to herself and her bedroom.  The “crises mode” of the situation actually created a spark between her and her husband. Then, she hated herself because she felt that she was a “door mat” for just wanting her husband back. She asked herself where was her self respect? How could she allow him to do this? So she felt negatively about herself just as I did and her self esteem was hit as hard as mine was, but for different reasons.

Both of these reactions cause all sorts of internal bad feelings that doesn’t help you heal at all. Although these feelings are so perfectly normal and understandable it’s important to understand that no matter what you did or didn’t do – the affair is not your fault. It just is not.  Your spouse is the one who made the decision to be unfaithful.  Whether he / she is going through a mid life crises or he / she thinks their needs are not being met or he’s / she’s having self esteem issues, how they chose to deal with these problems was a decision that THEY made.

There are many spouses with issues who chose not to cheat but to instead communicate and work with their wives and husbands to work through these issues.

When You Are Ready, Evaluate And Understand Exactly Why The Infidelity Happened And Your Feelings On What You Want To Happen Now: I will always maintain that a spouse who cheats is the guilty party.  However, each marriage has certain factors that can sometimes contribute to infidelity.  This is not always the case. Sometimes it’s a simple self esteem issue or stress manifesting itself, but sometimes there can be issues in a marriage or communication style that contributes to infidelity. 

Whether you want to save the marriage or not, it can be helpful to hear (when you are calm and ready) just exactly why the infidelity happened.  However, you don’t have to take these reasons for face value.  Really listen to what your spouse is saying and honestly evaluate if these issues they’re bringing up have any merit or are valid. 

Sometimes, a spouse will just make excuses or refuse to take responsibility, but sometimes, you will actually get the truth as painful as it may be.  In my own case, my husband was not feeling heard in a highly stressful situation.  At first I thought this was all just a silly excuse, but when I evaluated more honestly and closely, I had to admit there was a few slivers of truth there.

What you chose to do with this information is completely up to you.  If you don’t want to save the marriage, at least it is a learning experience that you may revisit later in a future relationship.  If you do want to save the marriage, this information will be invaluable for you in the future so that you can address these things to make the marriage stronger and ensure the infidelity doesn’t reoccur.

Now, it’s important that you really take some honest time on your own when you can be calm and reflective (this may take time) to determine what you really want.  It may be that your spouse has been a good one up until this point and you still love him or her and ultimately want to save the marriage. Or, it may be that a pattern of betrayal and dishonestly is emerging that is a deal breaker for you.  Either answer is valid and OK.

Define what is your best case scenario that, if you could achieve it, would help you heal. For some, this is to just pick up and move on by yourself, without letting this one event ruin the rest of your life.  For some, it’s to get the marriage back to a loving and trusting place. Whatever your “best case scenario” is, always promise yourself that you will keep this in mind from this point forward.

Because if ultimately you want to save your marriage, then it doesn’t make sense to continue to lash out at your spouse and continue to punish them months and months after they’ve said they’re sorry or allow an unhealthy obsession with everything having to do with the affair (or the other woman) to continue to sabotage your marriage and your happiness. If being happily married and at peace again is really your goal, try your best not to engage in behaviors that are going to keep this from happening (while still being true to yourself.)

Don’t Hesitate To Get Help To Deal With The Infidelity If You Need It: An affair can be heavy burden on the party who was cheated on. Your self esteem is likely going to take a huge hit. Although it may feel weird to do so, take this time to focus on yourself and your extreme self care.  See friends. Pursue those things you love.  Do what makes you happy.  This will make you feel better and will show both you and your spouse that you have enough self respect that this isn’t going to beat you. 

You may ultimately need some to help with your healing and with dealing with the infidelity.  In my own experience, although I wanted to save my marriage and to forgive my husband, I was stuck.  I would feel forgiving toward him one second and rage at him the next.  He was patient with me and I was trying to be patient with him, but we couldn’t move forward. 

It’s normal to have difficulty in the early days after learning about the affair, but if you get stuck and can’t move past it, don’t hesitate to get the help you need. There is no shame in it.  Ultimately, I needed out side resources to get me out of this cycle that was just holding me back.  Once I had this, I was able to slowly move forward and today, although it took some work and effort, I can honestly say it hasn’t beaten me in the least.

Dealing with the infidelity in my marriage was very difficult for a time. With a lot hard work and effort, our marriage and my self esteem recovered. I now know myself, my husband and my marriage much more intimately. I no longer worry that he is going to cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://saving-my-marriage-after-the-affair.blogspot.com/