I saw a look of resignation on my friend’s face as she said, “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a step mother.” There was a combination of sadness, frustration and resignation. She’d been married to her new husband for almost two years. The struggles started before their marriage, as it usually does when two people, with children from previous marriages decide to “blend families.” After all this time she saw no end in sight.

My friend has two daughters from her previous marriage. Her new husband has two daughters from his previous marriage…and a former wife who appeared to be determined to make things difficult. My friend has a former husband who lives out of state with his new family.

The four girls were all close in age and could possibly have been friends if they met at school, weren’t step siblings and didn’t have parents pulling at them.

Often, we the parents just need to get out of the way. Blended family issues can be resolved sooner and without causing added pain to the children if we allow space and time to work things out. I know from my own first hand meddling. I’ve detailed in my book, “You Used To Live In My House.”

My kids…back when they were kids, when my wife Louisa and I were newlyweds, didn’t need a new mom. Their mother was alive and well. Louisa didn’t want to be their mom. She knew her role and would have been happy to be a step mother. We all moved from Virginia to Colorado together so I thought she should be their new mom. All this while my kids really hadn’t given up hope that their mother and I might some how reconcile. We’d been apart for four years by then and each of the adults knew that wasn’t going to happen.

While I was living in Colorado my kids return to Virginia and to their mother,

I didn’t know what she was saying to them, about me. I didn’t learn that until three years later when they moved to Colorado. By then new roles weren’t so new and were accepted pretty easily. All the while, I knew that Louisa never criticized her sons’ father, even though he’d been virtually absent from their lives for several years.

Eleven years later Louisa received a Happy Step Mom Day card from Kelly on Mother’s Day. All of the ‘kids’ openly express their love for each of us these days, and have for some time. They all get along well with each other.

I can speak for myself and I believe it applies to many step parents, we are so determined that everyone will get a long and like each other immediately, that we make things more difficult than they need to be. Affection and assimilation cannot be forced upon our children. They have to find their own way and all we have to do is get out of the way.

Kids are resilient. I’ll over simplify it with an example of how they overcome the tales of an Easter Bunny and Santa Claus at very impressionable ages. If and when they see the new step parents showing affection and compromise it will be easier for them to move forward with their own feelings.

A friend of ours, Donna Lopez, provided the following testimonial to my book:

“After reading the book, “You Used To Live In My House” I began to think differently of blended families. I realized that it took much more love and faith and work that I ever imagined to sustain one household. I began to appreciate all those families around me that I once took for granted. This book allows us to see this family with such truth and pain and laughter! A recommended read!”

Obviously that’s flattering and I appreciate Donna’s comments. Her comments remain timely.

Don’t look now, but there are increasing numbers of blended families on the horizon. As more couples split and often after a child or two, the newly freed up mom or dad hooks up with that new ‘soul mate.’ Bingo, there’s a new family and the new spouse may even have children of their own from a previous relationship.

How do I know? I’m reminded of a question I was asked when I spoke to a Rotary Club not long ago. “What prepared you to write your book?” My answer: “I lived it.”

Back in the day, circa 1981, I met Louisa H. Harrison. She’s been Louisa H. Coons since June 18, 1983 and on that day, my three children and her two children, blended into this new family. Oh, by the way…on the fateful day, they were ages 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12.

We’re all the better for it now. And if you read through what I call ‘Tales of the dark side’ (AKA “You Used To Live In My House”) you’ll eventually get to the happiness we enjoy today. Being in a blended family doesn’t have to make any or all of the participants crazy. I’ve only scratched the surface of how I, and sometimes we, went about it the wrong way. If you get to know us we should give you hope.

R. Perry Coons
http://www.youusedtoliveinmyhouse.com

R. Perry Coons has thrown the door wide open with his narrative of the first 25 years of his relationship journey with his wife and family. He says, “If you get to know us, we should give you hope.”

His background is varied, as witnessed by the many personal and professional experiences he shares with his readers…husband, father, grandfather, runner and former radio dj, award winning shopping center marketing director, special events coordinator, entertainment manager, Realtor and self-described coffee achiever. He holds a copyright on a manuscript titled “Surrel Estate” and is working on a novel about a radio dj in the late 60′s. His working title is “Record Player.” Perry lives in Denver, Colorado with his wife Lousia and their Australian Cattle Dog.

Different women experience menopause in different ways. While there are some experiences that everyone can expect to have, for most, menopause is a lonely journey. With such a wide array of potential symptoms, from depression to weight gain to general feelings of unease, it’s hard to create a single form of medication that’s applicable to every woman.

But there is one solution: Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. Called BHRT for short, it won’t cure menopause, or even put it off, but it will alleviate those unpleasant symptoms. And though it’s been around for almost two decades, BHRT only recently gained popularity as a reliable and healthy way to combat the natural effects of aging.

Before BHRT prescriptions came along, doctors would prescribe synthetic hormones, which were often designed by pharmaceutical companies. But because these synthetics are foreign to the human body, they carried unwanted side effects with them. What’s more, the synthetics couldn’t be fine-tuned to the body chemistries of individual patients, so there was no guarantee that a given symptom would be addressed.

Unlike synthetic hormones, bio-identical hormones are derived from natural sources, and thus match the formula of those hormones already in your body. BHRT prescriptions are designed to mimic your body chemistry perfectly, which makes the entire menopause experience — from beginning to post-menopause — easier on your body and mind. Since every woman’s body chemistry is different, every BHRT prescription is different. A good compounding pharmacist can work with you and your health care provider to determine the best course of action for you.

So how can you decide whether a bio-identical hormone replacement therapy prescription is for you?

Learn the ropes. All women experience menopause in different ways, but there are some common symptoms that can tip you off that it might be your time. Has it been more than two or three months since your last period? (As a corollary to this question: Are you sure you’re not pregnant?) Do you seem to be gaining weight despite eating right and exercising? Are you having trouble sleeping?

Know your symptoms and medical history. Compile a list of your symptoms to bring to your doctor. Figure out your most pressing concerns, and what kind of changes you’d like to see. Your doctor may ask you why you’re pursuing a BHRT prescription — be prepared to answer her.

Talk to your doctor. If you’re between doctors, this may be the perfect time to find one who’s familiar with BHRT. Since it’s still somewhat new, there may be doctor out there who aren’t well-schooled in it, or who don’t support it.

Learn as much as possible. Read more than just this article. Google is your friend here, and so is your doctor. Before making the final leap, learn everything you can about bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

D. Michael Kirby is a freelance writer living in California. He writes about health and fitness, home improvement, technology, and a wide array of other topics. One of his clients, Beacon Prescriptions, is Connecticut’s premier compounding pharmacy, with locations around the state.

Visit Beacon Prescriptions here: http://www.beaconcompounding.com