How Husbands Injure Their Wives

How may you as a husband inadvertently hurt your wife? Obviously it is when you do not love her as you should. This is shown in the following ways:

1. Not appreciating or acknowledging her.

2. Comparing her with other women

3. Taking her for granted (“Oh, never mind…she will understand” or “…I’m sure she won’t mind”)

4. Having to be right all the time

5. Making her feel vulnerable, alone or isolated, for example by not helping out at home or not standing up for her.

6. Destroying her self-esteem through harsh or rude words and actions that demean her.

7. Not paying enough attention to her, for example by giving more time and focus on someone or something else other than her.

8. Having intimate friendships with a member(s) of the opposite sex (it may or may not involve having an affair).

9. Being too demanding on her, for example by insisting that she be almost totally subservient to your every wish

10. Not taking the trouble to understand her.

Your wife’s main source of security or comfort is you, her husband. When you do any of the above things (or other similar ones), her sense of security and self-worth are severely threatened. The problem is most wives feel that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands but most husbands have not realized it. She felt like she was trying to get you to understand but you thought she was just being emotional or overreacting. My experience is that most women leave their husbands because they expected to feel loved, protected and cherished but their husbands unwittingly have sent the message that they are not. If this happens repeatedly over a long period of time, your wife will very likely walk out on you. In such a situation, how can we bring about reconciliation?

The Path to Reconciliation

Firstly, do not make excuses for your actions or words that have hurt her. It’s pointless to try to make her understand you. Simply acknowledge them and ask for her forgiveness. I know that it takes two to tango, meaning that she also probably contributed in some way to how you acted. But now is not the time to blame her. You have to ignore her faults for now. Be a man and take responsibility for your own mistakes, own up to it and humble yourself by sincerely apologizing. This will go a long way in softening her hardened heart.

Secondly, listen to her without correcting her. She doesn’t have to be proved right or shown to be wrong. Do not try to talk her out of her feelings or belittle her emotions and behavior. This will only make her more hurt and angry.

Thirdly, understand her hurt condition. Do so by empathizing with her. She just wants you to understand her feelings. Relay her feelings back to her. Comfort her and let her know you understand how she feels.

Fourthly, assure her of your commitment to her. Change whatever is wrong with your attitudes, actions or words. As her husband you have the responsibility to restore her sense of self-esteem, security, confidence and trust in you.

Lastly, put into action your commitments to her. What you have said you will do, make sure you actually do it.

Conclusion

I have always maintained that it is the husband who should primarily be responsible for ensuring a successful marriage relationship. Therefore if anything is wrong with your marriage, you as the husband must be pro-active in setting things right. Only by doing so will you be able to save your marriage.

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1. Socks And Sandals
Just don’t do it, it really doesn’t look good. I understand wanting to be comfortable, but if socks are truly necessary, put on a pair of cute tennies or slip ons. Better yet, find a pair of sandals that are comfortable enough to wear without socks. Oh, and don’t even think about wearing black socks up to your knees with shorts and any type of shoes. I won’t even get into my opinion on Crocs at this point, but let’s just say that unless you’re gardening, I wouldn’t recommend those either.

2. Your Underwear Peeking Out Of Your Pants
Ok, So Brittany Spears did it, and so did various other teen stars and it was cool for a while. Let me give you a hint: unless you actually look like Brittany Spears, you probably can’t pull it off. Even if you can pull it off, there’s a difference between letting your thong hang out on stage in front of thousands of fans an paparazzi, and showing it off at the grocery store or in line at the movie theater. Trust me, no one wants to see it, and people are probably making fun of you as soon as you’re out of earshot.

3. Wearing The Baggiest Clothes You Can Find
No matter what size you are, you are going to look better in clothes that actually fit you, rather than big, baggy clothes meant to hide your figure. Beauty is not size dependent, and most people will tell you that a person of any size who looks fashionable and put together always looks better than someone in baggy clothes that looks like they are wearing a tent. Find a style that works for your body type, and that you like and be proud of it. The more confident you are in your own body and style, the more people will be drawn to you and appreciate you for who you are and your individual style. Sit on a bench at the mall for a couple of hours watching people go by. Who looks great, and who looks like a slob? Find a role model and try to emulate them. If all else fails, watch a few dozen episodes of What Not To Wear, and see resistant fashion disasters morph into beautiful, put together people.

4. Over-accessorizing, or Not Accessorizing at All
Even the best outfit can benefit from a few well placed accessories. A great handbag, and nice necklace and some simple earrings can easily take an outfit from ok to fabulous. They don’t have to match, they just have to be in the same or a complimentary color family. But a word of warning: don’t overdo it. Great big dangly earrings, 4 necklaces, 3 inches of arm bangles and a huge, sparkly handbag is going just a bit overboard. Keep it simple, but interesting, and make sure that your accessories compliment your outfit, not overpower it.

5. Being Self Conscious About Your Style
Above all, find a style that you love (and of course that follows all of the above mentioned rules). Wear colors that make you happy, and styles that make you feel beautiful. The absolute worst thing you can do is wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable, or that you don’t love. Clothes and accessories are meant to be fun, that’s why there are so many choices. Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale, all of those meaningless purchases could be traded for one fantastic piece that you adore, and will last a long time. Buy pieces that are classic, as well as a few trendier items that can be mixed and matched. You will never regret spending a little more on a great pair of black pants that will last for years, and you can update them every season with a new top or some jewelry.

Find your inner diva, and express your style for the world to admire by following these simple rules. A Little fashion knowledge can go a long way in allowing you to express yourself to the world in a positive, confident way.

Visit http://www.missy-j.com for fashionable, affordable accessories, and http:http://www.missyjblog.blogspot.com for more fashion advice and ideas.