What should you do if your wife wants out of your marriage? When a woman first seriously considers divorce she doesn’t arrive at this state of desperation by a process of calm deduction. She is simply reacting to the feeling that she “can’t take it anymore.” Sometimes your wife’s decision to leave you may be her way of trying to make you change, but more often it is a desperate effort to survive. She cannot endure anymore heartache, so she has reached out for the separation (or divorce) like a drowning man reaching out for a life jacket. How did this come about? Often it is due to the husband’s negligence in hurting their wives.

How Husbands Injure Their Wives

How may you as a husband inadvertently hurt your wife? Obviously it is when you do not love her as you should. This is shown in the following ways:

1. Not appreciating or acknowledging her.

2. Comparing her with other women

3. Taking her for granted (“Oh, never mind…she will understand” or “…I’m sure she won’t mind”)

4. Having to be right all the time

5. Making her feel vulnerable, alone or isolated, for example by not helping out at home or not standing up for her.

6. Destroying her self-esteem through harsh or rude words and actions that demean her.

7. Not paying enough attention to her, for example by giving more time and focus on someone or something else other than her.

8. Having intimate friendships with a member(s) of the opposite sex (it may or may not involve having an affair).

9. Being too demanding on her, for example by insisting that she be almost totally subservient to your every wish

10. Not taking the trouble to understand her.

Your wife’s main source of security or comfort is you, her husband. When you do any of the above things (or other similar ones), her sense of security and self-worth are severely threatened. The problem is most wives feel that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands but most husbands have not realized it. She felt like she was trying to get you to understand but you thought she was just being emotional or overreacting. My experience is that most women leave their husbands because they expected to feel loved, protected and cherished but their husbands unwittingly have sent the message that they are not. If this happens repeatedly over a long period of time, your wife will very likely walk out on you. In such a situation, how can we bring about reconciliation?

The Path to Reconciliation

Firstly, do not make excuses for your actions or words that have hurt her. It’s pointless to try to make her understand you. Simply acknowledge them and ask for her forgiveness. I know that it takes two to tango, meaning that she also probably contributed in some way to how you acted. But now is not the time to blame her. You have to ignore her faults for now. Be a man and take responsibility for your own mistakes, own up to it and humble yourself by sincerely apologizing. This will go a long way in softening her hardened heart.

Secondly, listen to her without correcting her. She doesn’t have to be proved right or shown to be wrong. Do not try to talk her out of her feelings or belittle her emotions and behavior. This will only make her more hurt and angry.

Thirdly, understand her hurt condition. Do so by empathizing with her. She just wants you to understand her feelings. Relay her feelings back to her. Comfort her and let her know you understand how she feels.

Fourthly, assure her of your commitment to her. Change whatever is wrong with your attitudes, actions or words. As her husband you have the responsibility to restore her sense of self-esteem, security, confidence and trust in you.

Lastly, put into action your commitments to her. What you have said you will do, make sure you actually do it.

Conclusion

I have always maintained that it is the husband who should primarily be responsible for ensuring a successful marriage relationship. Therefore if anything is wrong with your marriage, you as the husband must be pro-active in setting things right. Only by doing so will you be able to save your marriage.

Discover the steps anyone can take to save your marriage in TWO FREE reports, “Practical Tips on Improving Your Marriage” and “Above Life’s Turmoil”. Visit http://www.savemarriagestoday.com These reports contain time-tested and proven ways to enhance your relationship with your partner.

Being married can be an important step in a couple’s life and you must make sure that you are prepared for all the different things that will change once you are married. There are many things that can change over the course of a marriage including how big your family is and your financial status. You should seriously think about how all the things that might change in your marriage and what you want to do about that.

Prenuptial agreements can be one of the most helpful ways to make sure that if a divorce happens, your assets and family are secure. This type of agreement is when you and your spouse sit down before the wedding and discuss what will happen with all your assets. You will sit down with your future spouse to discuss what might happen with future children as well as any property you obtain during the marriage. This will be discussed in the presence of a lawyer and will be written out by the same lawyer as well. The two of you need to discuss exact details for what will be written out in your prenuptial agreement.

The first thing that needs to be written out is what will happen with any future kids that you may have or adopt during your marriage. There are many options that you can take while you are married and trying to have children. Even if you don’t plan on having children, you may want to make a note in the agreement of what you would like to do just in case the issue of children comes up.

The next thing that you should consider putting in to your prenup would be any financial aspects that you might want to include in the process. When you are married over a long period of time, financial status with you and your spouse can change. You need to be prepaired for anything that might come up during a divorce. Deciding how you will divide the assets in a prenuptial agreement can be a helpful tool if a divorce ever comes up between you and your spouse. Dividing the assets can be one of the hardest parts during a divorce, so having things already planned out can be one of the best things that you could do for the future.

For more information, contact the Boca Raton Divorce Lawyers of Eric Klein and Associates at http://kleinattorneys.com

Joseph Devine